FEAR OF DEATH OR LIFE RATHER
I have been very irregular in posting anything on my blog.Though I can attribute many reasons ,I will refrain from any justifications.Today prl a friend of mine called me and had a chat with me and he asked me why was i not updating my blogs?Then I thought oh my god i have a blog to fill in.Let me try to put in bits and pieces everything that was happening to me.I have deleted a few things which thought were puerile.

i was thinking about death for the whole of last month.I donot know what name is given to the fear of death and this is the only thing the pretty good homo sapien has been not able to conquer still.I was having these thoughts occuring at random.What would happen if i die now.The thought of missing anybody does not arise as i believe that once you are gone you are gone forever,so no reincarnation or judgement day theories for me.The thought of yourself vanishing from the face of earth without causing a significant amount of commotion terrifies.I will not even have a grave when i die as i am gonna be cremated for sure.So just disappearing in to the dark of the night certainly blew the spirit out of me.Then my thoughts turned around someone dear passing away ,invariably it turned to my parents.What would i become if they suddenly pass away.would time heal the sorrow and make me happy.As i see now my parents do not seem to mind their parent's demise that much .will i also grow upto be like them?I would I guess.Theres nothing else that i can do.


was listening to a song to a song by ugly kid joe one day and it went like this

My child arrived just the other day
Came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
He was talkin’ ’fore I knew it
And as he grew he said,
’i’m gonna be like you, dad,
You know I’m gonna be like you.’
ChorusAnd the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man ’n the moon.
’when you comin’ home? ’
’son, I don’t know when. we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.’

Well, my son turned ten just the other day.
He said, ’thanks for the ball, dad. come on, let’s play.
Could you teach me to throw? ’
I said, ’not today. I got a lot to do.’
He said, ’that’s okay.’ and he walked away and he smiled and he
said,
’you know, I’m gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I’m gonna be like him.’
ChorusWell, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
’i’m proud of you. could you sit for a while? ’
He shook his head and he said with a smile,
’what I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. can I have them please ? ’
ChorusI’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
’i’d like to see you, if you don’t mind.’
He said, ’i’d love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see my new job’s a hassle and the kids have the flu,
But it’s sure nice talkin’ to you, dad.
It’s been sure nice talkin’ to you.’
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me,
He’d grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.


How true this song is .It just made me sit and think. we are all caught in a circle where the roles do not change but only the players.How true was shakespeare.


.Then I thought to myself why did i grow up.I prayed every day for a week that i may get caught in a time warp so that i will never grow up.On the bus oneday I saw a beggar ,who was blind ,then i thought would this person like to be caught in a time warp,and do the same thing every day ,he wouldnt obviously.I am confused and I dont think I will ever find an answer to any of my paranoid thinkings.one thing is for sure ,I am gonna die someday and the only thing that satisfies me is ,guess what ? you are also gonna die someday.Now I dont know whether it is death that is terrorising me or life which has taught me all this......



Couldnt resist to post something that was eating the mind for a long time.