I had gone to an orphanage this weekend and though i wanted to write an article abt it i am tired to do the same..I have just copied the mail flow between the gang in office which went to the place,I think this should suffice.

To XX
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Subject hi people hello alll,
i hope everyone had a grt holiday at ur home!!!!!!!!! well me toooofew updates i have to tell
on 14 nov Mo ( from our grp ) went n gave chocs to those kids as it there day !!!!!!!!!then K has got crackers and we shall celebrate diwali with them ... i request u all to make urself free tomorrow evening after 6 n till 7 pm so tht we can go there n burst the same !!! atleast snr people as can take 8.30 bus ( i hope it wont be tht late )
we got crackers as those kids wished for the same !!actually we had diwali celebrations here in SNR from XXX n those kids where invited n when i spoke to them they where like we have enough clothes n eatables now n we want crackers is what they told me !! so i felt the pinch n it was like better to full fill their wish !!!!!!!!
Thanks
Sw
To xxxx
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xxxxSubject Re: hi people Just a friendly reminder !!!hey people we have planned to go today n i request the SNR people to find little time to come n join !!!
thanks,Sw

To xxxx
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Subject Re: hi people Hi all,
Whoever will be able to come today, pls reply to this mail. As planned we'll be starting by 6.
K
To xxx
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Subject Re: hi people Hi All..
Five people from SNR- Sw,K,Mo,JJ and Myself.. went there and had VERY VERY GR8 time...... njoying with the Kids.. We(v 5 'n the Kids) were really very happy and njoyed every bit of it, till the point the last rocket was into bits and pieces.. I've no words to explain how well the kids have njoyed it. and one shud see their faces full of joy .... Also, as this is the very first time for me to spend Deepavali with children@an orphanage, I'm very much Contented.Thought of writing much more.. but.. cudn't put all my feelings in here.. But, anyway.. V all njoyed it a looooooooot..
Sri

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Subject Re: hi people yup very true, we really had a greatest time !!! it was a real challenge !! we had keep cool n handle soo many kids .....they where in full enthu n we had to be very cautious as it was crackers n they r all tiny tots!!!! then there is no power there ( i hope i have told it before ) .but we made it a grand success !!!!
people who dint come really missed the show : )
Sw
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Subject Re: hi people Hi all,Seems like Sri has to cutshort her 5 people list by 1 as I was also feelin one of the kids .We started from SNR as soon as the office was over and trekked to the orphanage,having a good banter all through the way .As soon as we entered all the kids started sorrounding us and every one started saying " My name is X and what is your name "? .I never had to introduce myself to such a number of people after my ILP induction classes.We then told them that we were there to fulfil there wishes of wanting to do fireworks.All the kids started sorrounding sw and started screaming "Aunty Aunty enaku enaku ".SInce I was standing next to sw they called me also " Aunty,Aunty"... Poor kids couldnt differentiate between a guy in pants and gal in pants.
Then K opened the sparkler pack and we started to distribute them ..Somehow we couldnt control them at first and the kids ran riot for a few minutes.Then we made an arrangement whereby each kid would in turn get two sparklers to light.You must have seen their faces..It was brighter than those sparklers.The kids started thinking they were windmills and started rotating the sparklers really fast and it kept us all on tenterhooks.The kids were clapping and shouting whenever a sparkler was lit.Then a kid started writing numbers in the air with the sparklers..The count started from 1..onnu,rendu,moonu..the crowd cheered the guy on..The count ended at padhimoonu...13 is an unlucky number now I am sure.Then we shifted planes and it was turn for flower pots .We had lots of electric wire sparklers ,Me,JJ and sw took turns in making the kids light the flowerpots.The screaming of the kids reached a crescendo everytime the spakles from the flowerpot went high.One flower pot turned into flower bomb.Luckily no one was injured.The kids were more confident than us on this front.Then we started lighting zameen chakkars and man i lost count of how many of them exploded in the end .But the kids enjoyed every part of it.And finally came the most dangerous assignment of them all,lighting rockets, which was handed to the most courageous man in the group ,to me , :-P..I had to spoil a kid's water bottle for the mission.I kept the rockets in the bottle and lighted with matchsticks...Zoooooooooooom they went and i thought they would light up the sky ..but it was a damp squib ,it went up and exploded that was it.No colorful sparkles..:-( .. The "Pattas kadaikaran" hd cheated k. Then the fifth rocket did the most astonishing thing..it started perfect but suddenly nose dived and started chasing a motorcyclist on the old mahabalipuram road and landed ahead of him..Man he must have been scared " :-) ",...I imagined what I would have done i had a bazooka in my hand instead of that cheeta fight theepetti..After every thing was said and done ,we left from there at 8.15 and we had a walking race to reach SNR .Due to the modesty I learnt from DOC I am not saying who won the race..All in all people ,it was one of the most memorable days of my life,..Two kids were standing near the fence as we left and said 'please come for christmas"..Sure we will go people...wont we????
Mo

To xxx
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Subject Re: hi people I think the children were a bit confused seeing Mo's hair & called him Aunty. Can't blame them though as sometimes I tend to make the same mistake. & for the brave act, you should have seen the face of the ' most courageous man ' when he tentatively approached the roket bottle. The kids were saying " Ithe vida supera nange vedikere" (Forgive my Tamil, but I hope you got the point). But overall I was one othe greatest experiences of my life. Really had a wonderful evening, Thanks to Sw, K, Mo & Sri.
JJ


To xxx
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Subject Re: hi people
Hi,
I got excited when I read your feelings yesterday. Mo Chance sa ella pinnitinga. He will be good director soon. Try for it. It seems to be that I enjoyed with you yesterday after i read it. Keep going on.
Mo, If possible forward your previous stories to me. The way you explained is fantastic. We will continue doing this kind of activities.
Regards,
Sree

Another Diwali has come and gone.Gone are the days when I used to roam the streets like an urchin carrying 'bijli vedis'(small thin crackers) in my hand an d throwing them away after lighting it in my hand.May be sylvester stallone can challenege me on the throwing of bijli vedis.I have gone mellow over the years and now i am sometimes scared of the 'pattas'(term used for crackers).Drifting back through time gone by ,I remember my experiments with weapons of mass destruction ..Will be on the next post.

Woke up with a strange dream today.I dreamt that i was married to a russian femme fatale and the day next to our marriage ,she runs away with some one else .I find them both and kill them.Then I put down my gun next to her and start crying.Crazy dream..must be due to the medication that i am taking for the cough that has afflicted me.Thinking about dreams ,I was wondering what dream I last had.To be candid it was about SA and if further details were to be mentioned the censor board would have to give my dream an A certificate.After this i found interpretations for dreams on a site called www.dreammoods.com .Here I found an interpretation of an old dream I used have.I used to have dreams of my teeth falling and used to wake up and touch my teeth to verify if they were still there.Here comes the explanation for it.Phew its along one..do read if you have time.
"My Teeth Are Falling"
Dreams that your teeth are falling out are the most common dreams we here at Dream Moods receive. Common dream scenarios include having your teeth crumbling in your hands or your teeth falling out one by one with just a light tap. Such dreams are not only horrifying and shocking, but often leaves the dreamer with a lasting image of the dream. So what does it mean?
One theory is that dreams about your teeth reflect your anxiety about your appearance and how others perceive you. Sadly, we live in a world where good looks are valued highly and your teeth play an important role in conveying that image. Teeth are used in the game of flirtations, whether it be a dazzling and gleaming smile or affectionate necking. These dreams may stem from a fear of your sexual impotence or the consequences of getting old. Teeth are an important feature of our attractiveness and presentation to others. Everybody worries about how they appear to others. Caring about our appearance is natural and healthy.
Another rationalization for these falling teeth dream may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxiety.
Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, teeth represent power. And the loss of teeth in your dream may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power in some current situation? Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream is an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the value of your own opinion.
In the latest research, it has been shown that women in menopause have frequent dreams about teeth. This may be related to getting older and/or feeling unattractive and less feminine.
Traditionally, it was thought that dreaming that you did not have teeth, represent malnutrition which may be applicable to some dreamers.
Other Perspectives
A scriptural interpretation for bad or falling teeth indicate that you are putting your faith, trust, and beliefs in what man thinks rather than in the word of God. The bible says that God speaks once, yea twice in a dream or a vision in order to hide pride from us, to keep us back from the pit, to open our ears (spiritually) and to instruct and correct us.
In the Greek culture, when you dream about loose, rotten, or missing teeth, it indicates that a family member or close friend is very sick or even near death.
According to the Chinese, there is a saying that your teeth will fall out if your are telling lies.
It has also been said that if you dream of your teeth falling out, then it symbolizes money. This is based on the old tooth fairy story. If you lose a tooth and leave it under the pillow, a tooth fairy would bring you money.

Three days back I was on the bus and I met an American named Christy Schultz.He was sitting next to a Indian lady . I occupied the seat the seat next to him and introduced myself ,he did the same and asked me "Hey would you mind if if ask something.." ."Not at all.." said I .He asked me " Is it ok to sit beside a lady ..?".I thought for a while and said "Yeah it is ok,generally locals dont do it.but since you are a foreigner they wont mind".After a small chit chat I asked who is he gonna vote for and if can vote from the embassy here .To my surprise he gave me the answer "I am voting for Enlightenment". So people still do come to India for search of enlightenment, great...I asked whether he was married ,he said he was divorced now and he had a daughter pursuing her university education at the university of texas at arlington.I smiled and said that I too had secured an admission there.Then my talk turned to his name.I asked whether he was an American of German origin ,he said ,he was and his ex wife was also german.Then we talked about samuel huntington's latest thesis that hispanics are taking over the world,to which he funnily replied that america has become the colony of spain again.Then I let him know that i might be in minneapolis next year and will pay his californian home a visit.Then after mutual exchange of addresses and cards we parted.

Am in no mood to write the blog.The performance went bad.Had an exam to attend.Was so frsutrated that i have never been like this before.If i could dig a hole and disappear..Tried to cool myself by buying the weekly ananta vikatan and started reading it.Felt very emotional after reading a story .Spent 2 hours translating and editing it.read for your pleasure..

MR ENRORU BRIHASPATHI BY ANURADHA RAMANAN - TRANSLATED BY PUYAL


There was a huge laughter sound in the living room.

“Oh MR has come...” Raghuram forgetting his age and leaving his dosa half finished in the plate ran to the living room.

“ So what! He can wait until you finish another dosa. He always comes at the most inopportune times” Rajee murmured.

“You never liked him, did you? you always pick on him ,Whatever you say ,on my priority list MR comes even before my wife…” saying this Raghuram winked at his daughter in law Sangeetha ,who was helping her Mother in law in making chutney and ran to the living room.
It has been ten years since Sangeetha came to this house as daughter in law .She remembered her first visit to her husband's home as a couple ,after marriage with vinodh , as fresh as though it had happened yesterday. When the couple fell at the feet of their in-laws, Raghu said this “Vinodh go and take blessings from MR first, it’s only because of him that you have become an American citizen”.
“What Raghu what are you saying…” MR squirmed uneasily. “Uncle isn’t what dad says true” said vinodh and fell at MR's feet. MR embraced vinodh and tears of joy started flowing down his cheek.
That night, the “Shanthi Muhurtham” (First night) was fixed. Sangeetha was sweating profusely with nervousness and vinodh was blushing with a tinge of manhood.
MR was standing in the living room. He called vinodh and handed him a small box of sweets
“Uncle come inside” said vinodh. “No! No! I am a pucca Brahmachari ,even my shadow should not fall inside this room .Vinodh this is Thirunelveli iruttu kadai halwa, share it with Sangeetha ,don’t eat it all by yourself…” said MR with a smile flavored with friendliness.

“What’s that name MR? What’s his full name? And what relationship is he to us?...” Sangeetha asked all these questions when she was new to her in laws place.
“His name is Madhav Rao. Dad’s friend ,since childhood. He would give even his life for dad. He was working in a big organization as manager. He never married…”, said Vinodh.
Why? Asked Sangeetha with her curiosity increased.
“Some way he never liked marriage, but he never interfered in anybody's wishes .To make the matter clear, actually he was the one who argued with dad for my sister Priya's love marriage and made it a reality. But mother never liked him…”
Why? Asked again Sangeetha betraying a sense of pitiness.
“MR would turn up here at the most inopportune times, he would come suddenly and would say “come Raghu pick the children, let’s go to a hotel… “Or “give me some rasam in this vessel…” carrying a small 'sombu'. Mom could not say yes or no. Dad never worried about that, for him only his friend came first...”
Vinodh’s brother Babu once said “Before marriage and after marriage Mom never got a chance to be alone with dad. MR Uncle would have always been hanging around dad like a villain.That's why Mom still carries the grudge against him and gets angry whenever she sees him…”
Sangeetha thought that her Mother in laws anger was justified.
Now it's Deepavali time, all the four children's families have come home which is a rarity. They will have many family issues to discuss and this ageing, sixty something MR doesn’t have the courtesy to stay away from the house to enable it.
Sangeetha narrated the morning's incident and Raghuram's banter to Vinodh.”But Sangeetha ,replied vinodh ,our family is very lucky to have MR uncle as dad's friend .With out his help neither me or Babu would never have went to college”
Overhearing her son's words Rajee got very angry .Oh depending on him did we bear 4 children. If your dad's salary was not enough I would have worked as a maid and brought you up…”, she rebutted.
Sangeetha was heart broke. Why was her father in law having MR's friendship while such an undercurrent of hatred was there against him in the home.
That evening....
The whole family went to the Kapaleeswarar temple .Priya and her husband were window shopping at all the stalls ,Babu and Bharat were going their own way with their wives. Vinodh was walking with his Mother and his children.
Raghuram's slipper strap gave way enroute and he struggled to walk with it ,so he slowed down ,Sangeetha joined him and gave him company.
“Mama (Father in law) where is your friend MR” Sangeetha asked her father in law.
“Oh MR! He went earlier to get the coconuts and fruits for the archanai” replied Raghuram.
“Mama if you don’t mind, I will tell you something, I don’t like MR hanging around and frequently disturbing us, Atthai (Mother in law) is also feeling the same way...”
Raghu stopped walking. “Did Rajee say that she doesn’t like MR coming to our house” he asked Sangeetha.
“In the morning ...” Sangeetha narrated Rajee's outburst to her son.
Raghu cleared his throat and turned towards Sangeetha and said “ Rajee herself knows that her anger towards MR isn't true. How could she drive away a man she loved for 8 years?”
“What?” Sangeetha froze .
Raghuram without any hint of exaggeration proceeded ahead. He said “ I do not have to say this to anybody ,but I am considering you as my elder daughter and saying this to you. Once when Babu was with bad company ,MR caught him red handed and slapped him. Abu asked MR "who are you to slap me?”. That night how Rajee cried and twisted in agony only I know...”
Now Raghu laughed at Sangeetha and proceeded ahead “what are you wondering? Even in our times there was love and love failures. Those days MR was the hero. He was intelligent and handsome. All the girls in the neighborhood would do anything to talk to MR .But he somehow fell in love with this foolish Rajee. He would write her endless letters and give her sweets .Rajee would also give him her homemade bajjis and pakodas.I was the go between these two and carried letters and eatables to and fro…”
“MR was a Telugu boy .So both the families did not agree to the marriage .One day he took a black beaded chain ,kept it under the temple goddess' feet for blessing and gave it to me and said “Give this to Rajee and ask her to come out of her home and I will take care of the rest”. I did exactly what MR told me and asked Rajee to get ready to catch the early morning train. But Rajee was scared .she thought her dad and mom would commit suicide if she did some thing like that...”
“Then how did she marry you...”-Sangeetha, separating her dried lips.
Raghuram bent down and picked the slipper and threw it away. He then smiled at Sangeetha and proceeded ahead.
“Some how, her dad got wind of the affair and met my mom and arranged for a marriage between both of us. A distant relationship, a beautiful bride ..My mom was very happy. I refused to marry Rajee saying that I did not like the girl. But I never revealed her affair with MR to anybody…”
Sangeetha was nearly fainting and was wondering how her father in law could tell all the events with such a ease. This kept her away from asking her father in law any more questions.
“Rajee's dad spoke to me alone and said that he would marry Rajee off as a third wife to a zamindar, if I did not marry her. Under any circumstance would he marry Rajee to MR…”
“Hearing this MR was devastated .He told me that he could never see Rajee’s life torn to tatters in front of his eyes and started crying. If you marry her ,I will at least be happy that she is safe with you. Please don't spoil her life by refusing to marry her, he sobbed. He promised in front of god that he never had any physical relationship with her .I was shocked. I would have believed him ,if he just had said a word. No one knew both of them better than me...”
Raghu's lips began to tremble and tears started rolling down the cheeks
“Then why?. Why Athai? How athai would feel seeing him everyday “ asked Sangeetha gathering some courage.
Raghu laughed out loud .”You only know that much .She has been my wife and mother to my children due to societal pressure and matrimonial promise. Her heart is still with MR. If he doesn’t come home for 2 days ,she would start feeling bad. She wouldn't even ask me why MR was not there. She would start weeping without any reason. She will bark at others for no apparent reason. She still has that black beaded chain MR gave to her in the locker..”.

Raghu paused for a second and continued “ Do you feel bad about the behavior of your mother in law?...”
Sangeetha replied in the negative.
“Please don’t! It’s a sin. She cannot forget MR and cannot move away from me. I cannot hate either MR or her. It’s the same for MR too. She’s a woman that’s why she cannot say anything to anybody. I hope you would understand a woman's feelings and not ask her any questions...”
Before Raghu could complete. They neared the temple entrance. MR came rushing towards. He started shouting at Raghu, “If your slipper is torn can't you call my mobile and tell me ..I would have given you my slippers. Why did you walk bare feet. Dont you remember that you are a diabetic. You don’t have any responsibilities…”

MR was agitated,Raghuram was laughing. Sangeetha turned the other way to hide her tears.
In the distance she could see Rajee ..Around her were her children and grandchildren like a chain of black beads.

This weekend was pretty hectic ,I was always in the office ,practicing in the band.Let me introduce the band as we are now.We have named the band as third floor.The lead guitarist is the awesome vish,vish has played lead guitar for the band wood.wood was once very active in the chennai circuit.The rhythm guitarist and the singer is yaqub,a nice person who says he is writing two books and is intending to publish them soon.The keyboard player is ruchir and he is good at it.We have a classical guitarist in the band ,shail(who christened himself in the footsteps of slash..classical guitarist imitating slash eh??? ).The bass guitarist is yours faithfully .The drummer is conspicuous by his absence.Did try to get one but the drummer had no enthu to participate.Third floor has decided to play Hotel california(A medley of live and studio version).The song has come pretty decent with vish's guitar screaming in the end.Will post the band's pictures on the next post.

Felt very drowsy at work,It must be due to my going late to bed these days.From today I was instructed to report to another person.My whole experience with this corporate culture has been a bitter sweet thing.I have been in Two projects within 6 months and within a single project I have been into three different modules within the last two months.The saying Jack of all trades is master of none makes clear sense to me now.

I have been asked to play the bass guitar in my company band for an upcoming rock event.The issue is I have learnt bass and have never played it before makes me nervous.I can feel the butterflies flying in my stomach.The band is going to play two songs ,summer of 69 and Hotel california.Both these songs are my favorite songs and I have always imagined myself playing lead on these songs and head banging on the stage in a big show.This new role of a bass guitarist is new to me,but i am gonna give it all i can.I imagine my photograph on the wall of fame in my company,I can give anything for that..

I was thinking about my job whole day.I have a few issues with myself because of this.My disillusion with my project can be summarised as follows
1.I dont find my job interesting.
2.I am not able to concentrate on even a small work that is given.
3.I do not find any manuals that might help me with the project.Everything in project ,I have to learn by rote or seeing others do it.
4.I find my lead who is supposed to help me to be uninspiring.

After a lot of introspection ,I came to the following conclusions about me with reference to my job.
1.I have not made an effort to study new books that might be helpful for my work.
2.I have been addling at my work, doing many works which are of no significance to my work , at all times.
3.I have not taken any initiatives on my own for improving my knowledge on the project.

Then I thought about the inherent problems that are holding me back

1.I have to leave office at 6 or otherwise i would have to leave only at 9,which makes me an early bird.So I am not able to find any extra time to devote to studies.

So where does the flaw lie ,somewhere in between i guess.Hmm.. All this is for nothing.I am gonna go do the same stuff tomorrow.The vicious cycle repeats.

Golden shower 

It is been raining very heavily these days and my mind suddenly went back to the summer days.I like summer very much because of a peculiar reason.I just love the smell of flowers in summer.The place where i live is full of trees which flower during summer.Summer time is bloom time.Just have a look at the golden shower tree opposite my house.It is a great sight to see it in the morning with all the sunlight shining on it.This is the photograph i took last year.

I have being going through a lot of emotional turmoil lately.The issue is about a girl whom i like ,I have a crush on her.Lets call her SA.She works in my company with me.I have a great affection towards her.This has been a strictly one side affair.I have never expressed my feelings for her.I wanted to test if my feelings were true,after a period of three months I still feel for her and I think this enough for a person like me to believe that he is truly in love.But here comes the tragic part, she is after another person who is my friend.My friend,lets call him SV ,is not after her and he already had an affair in his life So this is a vicious circle with me after her and she after him.She expresses her feelings for him(thats what i believe) quiet openly.I always hang out with this gang and sometimes i feel very depressed about this whole issue when she flirts with him.I cannot just push her off my mind and am also scared to propose to her ,lest our friendship could get spoiled.So am in a limbo on what to do next.Some times I do think whether this issue would crop up even if she does agree to my proposal.Now that i have grown upto be 22 years,i am feeling that i need a woman in my life and i intend to marry soon ,because when i grow upto to 40 years old(If i live upto that long) i want to enjoy my life with my kids,still being a young man.It would be great if that woman was SA.The comic part in this is that SV knows that I am after SA..Reads like the script of some bollywood or tamil movie eh??

Electric guitar 

Got myself an electric guitar,last weekend ,have a look at it

Features
BODY :SOLID INDIAN ASH
NECK :HARD MAPLE
FINGERBOARD :ROSEWOOD
PICKUPS : 2 SINGLE COIL + 1 HUMBUCKER
CONTROLS :1 VOLUME + 1 TONE+ 5 WAY SWITCH
MACHINE HEADS :DIECAST
BRIDGE :VINTAGE STYLE FULCRUM
SCALE :25.5"/22 FRETS
HARDWARE CHROME

I was working in morning shift for whole of this week.A cab was sent from my office to pick and drop me.I felt really happy because of that.Other than this there was no happy news.I did not get any work.My work this week was that of a support guy a.k.a firefighter in local circles.I move in when something fails.Sadly for me or happily for the company everything was going fine,so me didnt get anywork.Just came back from office now,its evening time,but there is no one to go and meet as everybody is out of statio.Downloaded U2s Vertigo and am listening to it

Returned 3 hours ago from the examination.The paper was a junk paper,making a pro write a letter saying that the delivered carpets have frayed edges and asking for refund is nothing short of bull shit.Makes me wonder "are engineers really bad communicators?",that someone has to come and teach them.I also had to do a precis writing,the passage for the precis was really moronic.They had asked me to put the whole damn stuff in 300 words ,To reduce the burden to you dear reader, i am putting it in 3 lines.
"It is about a stammerer who feels out of the society and one day he stands in front of a drug store and sees a picture of a the human digestive system.He opens the bag and tries to eat the sandwich which falls into the gutter,he keeps staring at it"
can you imagine that the whole stuff i mentioned above was given in a full page ,every line mentioning the moron's experience with the world,filled with cliches and psychopathic musings.Ok people dont sue me for insulting a "alternatively abled person".I dont have anything against anybody.Must find out which novel the passage was flicked from..Gotta go ,tomorrow is my favorite paper "network programming",do remember this "when you have something as a favorite it doesnt mean that you know everything about it".got the point?

Much water has flown down the bridge from the time i wrote my last blog.I simply dont find the drive to post something on the blog.But when i see a lot of people making a sincere effort to update their blog i feel guilty for not updating my blog.From now I try will spare atleast 15 minutes everyday to update the blog.Right now I am listening to Back in Black on some classic rock station on the web.The webcast is kind of ok ,with the minor irritant being the stoppage of the song while it rebuffers.I realised that I have become so lazy that i have not even prepared well(even to my generally low standards) for the exam i am writing today.

Events of a fortnightOk Let me summarise the events of the fortnight
*****Police man on my back
*****My heart break over an old Infatuation
*****Rocking at JRO

Policeman on my backOn the 26th I went to the railway station to send of my friend S who was joining infosys in hyderabad.Me and the gang were in 4 bikes and we waved him off .It was a very emotional moment for me.Me and S had grown up together.The next day was my birthday and it would be the first one i would be spending without him.Anyways I was happpy for him getting a good job.I took the beach road to return to my place.We spent about an hour at the beach.Man was it bad.I had inadvertently moved into the lover's corner of the marina and what did i see? only couples and no one else.Added to that two guys with me were on the phone with their girl friends.Man was i depressed.Ok after that we started and passed through santhome.There was a big traffic jam due to the fact that it was a saturday night.Some how i squeezed in between all the vehicles and was moving ahead.I had crossed madhyakailash ,there was big jam.I noticed a police man in his big fiero ,yellow brigade bike.Somehow my attention was on him,call it some kind of remonition.After that i didnt see him for a few minutes.Then the traffic started to move.I started to zoom ,i was moving ahead when the guy before me suddenly stopped ,i couldnt control my bike and i hit him .I look upto
see who it was.To my horror i realise it is the same police man.The fact that i didnt have my license with me petrified me.My friend sitting in the pillion said sorry to him and asked me to move ahead.I knew that a mere apology wont do.I zoomed ahead finding all the narrow gaps that i can and was racing ahead.I was nearing 100s ,the police man was following me with his siren on ..man was i terrified !I kept pushing the pedal ,i crossed the iit ,i thought i might crash into someone so i slowed down making up
my mind to face any consequences.The policeman came near and beckoned me to stop.My heart stopped for a moment and i stopped the bike.My friend who was a policeman's son now took over.He gave him a salute the way the policemen do and apologised.The police man cooled down and he said he will look for any damage and if there was one we gotta pay.He looked at his bike and seeing no damage,advised us to drive carefully and letus go.I was shocked .i expected a lot more to happen.That policeman must be most
patient man in the world or must have been drunk.Or was my friends salute doin the trick.
At home in the bed i thought what it would have been to spend my
birthday in the police station.Then i was really scared.Since the next day
was my birthday i should tell what happened the next day.As usual boooze
for the guys and sweets for the family friends.

Heart break over an old Infatuation


This friday the 2nd ,i was searching my friend's girl friend's brother who had run away from his home due to some stupid reasons.We were searching all over my place and we got fed up with all the options running out.Then me and N sat on a roadside culvert saying we werent going to move an inch until we had a fag.By the time N was playing with my mobile.He saw R's name and asked me are you still in contact with her.I said a sortof.He said why dont you call her.I was apprehensive,I hadnt called her in
years.I remembered the days when i was madly in love with her.call it infatuation call it puppy love it was most exciting period of my life having her around.She was a dear friend of mine above all.I never told her that i loved her.If i am gonna put up all my emotions that will take the whole blog.I will tell you what happened A proposed to her before me and she said yes.A is one person in life i hated before and after that i hated
him more.R never told me of this,I learnt it from A letter.R moved out of our place after a few years.I had not talked to her for quite some long time except on a few occasions when she called on a relative in my place infrequently.So N's idea of calling her didnot enthuse me.Anyways i just called up .She was returning from office it seems ,i said hi and she replied .Then the shock came ,A was with her it seems and he grabbed the phone from her and asked me "hey i have a mobile for a year and you havent
called me but suddenly you are calling her as soon as she got a mobile,dont you have girls in your office,dont talk to her anymore".One more thing A knew my attraction towards her .I was so shocked ,i immediately hung up.My friends around me saw the reaction on my face and asked me what was the issue and i told them the fact.Every body got so angry and started their bikes an go meet A.I said cool down,its nothing.secretly I hoped R would call me up and apologise for A's behavior.It never happened.Though ididnt show it i was very upset.Couldnt she have called me just for old times sake.I was not able to sleep and i went upstairs and switched on the system and played the winamp,one of my favorites suddne;y came up ,Airsupply's someone and the first few lines made me more sad
"When you first found love
Was it all that you wanted
For a thousand lonely years
Was the memory so sweet"
It certainly was for me.But what can i do when she is some one else's girl
Rocking out JRO
It was party time saturday.I went to spencer's with AM to buy an electric guitar and couldnt find the shop.There was this hsop called tansen long time back.I had found another shop and learnt it was closed some time back.There was not a good piece to buy ,so left spencer's.Me and AM went to the chateau D ampa on Nelson manickam road and bought the tickets for the june rock out ,strange it is happening in july.We were
a little early and were hangin out .There were 3 bands playin that day red rain from newzealand,garage monsters from chennai and bhayanak maut from mumbai.The show started around 6.30 and before that i met a few old and new acquaintainces.one was RK who learnt guitar along with me years back and V who was working in office wit me now.Red rain started the show and played their own comps.After a few songs they asked the crowd to sing the national anthem which the crowd boisterously agreed.After we finished
red rain sang the newzealand national anthem.And few songs later they asked 5 people to come on stage and dance and said the winner would receive a cd signed by them.2 persons went up and then to my surprise V went up and danced,but he didnt get the cd.After red rain ,the garage monsters took over with metallicas sandman very popular in this side on
the world and man they played good .they played for an hour and after that bhayanak maut took over and there was more headbanging to do..
Me and AM started at around 10.15 from the jro center.AM was driving like hell .100s and 110 and zig zagging .I was frozen,i had never been on the pillion at such speed ,may be driving not definitely sitting behind.I prayed that we reach home and we reached home around 11.00 .God was i happy to be home.

A DAY TO REMEMBER AND FORGET(HOW DO I DO BOTH

Its been a week since i posted.Though i did make an attempt to blog this wednesday i didnt do it due to my stupidity.I hadtype out everything and suddenly the system crashed.Dejavu.hmm.All the text was gone.This week I was also busy with work and
I was applying for an MS in an reputed institute.Me applying to that university made me think of the day my US visa was rejected.Its so clear in my mind.That day was the day my life could have been changed or rather it has changed.I had applied for MS in US and got selected in a few universities.And I had my visa interview scheduled for around 8.30 in the morning.I went into the heavily guarded US visa office in chennai.After passing through all the initial checks and paying my fees i gave my passport and application to the processing person i got the first shock of the morning.I had not taken appropriately
sized photograph.The guy handling the application said that he will defer my interview by an hour and i could get my photograph during the same.I went out and was immediately mobbed like a star by parents of other students asking me whether i had got a visa.I had to shove them around and i just went to meet my dad who was waiting for me at the other end.I told him the situation and suddenly a person appeared from no where saying he will help me out by showing the way to studio.He did indeed and for that i had to pay fifty bucks to him and them photographer took 200 bucks for just 4 photographs.I thought how
one person's misery is an opportunity for another person.
After doing all this i went back to the consulate and went to attend the interview.I noticed how the buildings were arranged.All the americans were in a building that very deep inside the campus.Security precautions !! I thought.Then i went
into a big office where i had the worst nightmare of my life.All the candidates were seperated into some 6 lines.There were around three hundred people in that room waiting for their turn.I thought what was i doing there.You just have to be there to believe it.Every body was shouting at the top of their voice giving justification why they should be given a visa.For a guy who had never ever attended any interview this was the rude shock of the life,having an interview with people watching.May be this was true for others also.My turn came and I said something ,which was disturbed by the guy in the next queue shouting that his dad had paddy fields and the turn over was some zillion tonnes,i think the visa would not even heard beyond the thick glass door he was standing behind.He immediately stamped rejected and gave it back.I tried to explain him something ,but even before i could start he beckoned me too leave.That was the end of my tryst with destiny.I came out and went home with my dad(who was secretly relieved that his son was not going to leave the country).Suddenly i thought why was i upset ,just because some john doe rejected me.I had no reason to be angry or happy.I had given my best try to study in a foreign country and if they dont want me well and good.I am not gonna beg them around for a visa.I know you might not agree with this and you might say that it is a case of fox and the sour grapes,so be it.
Ultimately I got rejected in my first interview which started a series of trials and tribulations which nearly went on for a year,bu thats fodder for some other days blog.

A Dull and dreary weekend comes to an unusual end.

This weekend was what I wished it would not be.All my friends had left the town and I was left alone I thought i would spend my time with the computer.but as soon as i switched it on the power went off.I had nothing to kill my time;I took my guitar and started strumming Fmajor while trying to sing police's dont stand so close to me.As it eventually happened i got so bored with it ,I shelved the guitar and was going to lock my room when that book suddenly caught my sight.I went near it and took it and started reading it.It was a old book with dog ears and many pages missing in the started.I had a sense of dejavu .I remembered the first time I had read the book,it is still fresh in my memory.My mind drifted ten years back when I read it sitting in the middle of a paddy field in my native place.I could suddenly hear all the ladies working in the field and my apathy towards them during that time.There is a saying "Good listeners are always thinking of something else while listening".My mind had subconsciously registered all those and was playing it for me again.
Before going any further I would like to state what the book was.The book was a collection of five russian short stories
1)Nikolai gogol's the overcoat
2)Ivan Turgenev's Mumu
3)Leo tolstoy's After the dance
4)Alexander kubrin 's Garnet bracelet
5)Anton segev's Lady with the dog

When I try to juxtapose my emotions then and now ,I find it totally contrasting and yet coming together.May be people dont change after all.If i want to say the brief outline of the plots,then i may be stealing your pleasure.so read it on your own. I will dwell on garnet bracelet by alexander kubrin.This story of unsolicited love had moved me to tears when i had read it first when i was not even a adolescent is making me sad when i can call myself an adult.The power of words have to be experienced to be believed.The protogonist Zheltkov is madly in love a young aristocrat lady Vera ,but he is unable to bring himself to propose to her or rather identify himself.He writes her letters always to which she of course never replies.Vera gets married and still zheltkov is not able to forget her.He is a very decent person who doesnt want her to get hurt for anything,she is the sole purpose of his living.on her birthday he sends her a garnet bracelet.But vera thinks enough is enough and requests her husband ,a very gentle to person,to put an end to it.He meets zheltkov.Zheltkov says only death will put an end to his and their suffering for he cannot stop loving vera.After her husband leaves ,he commits suicide .In his final letter he asks vera to listen to a particular beethoven sympony.(L van Beethoven .Son No 2 op 2 Largo Appassionato).Vera visits his home to see his body and suddenly she feels something.She cannot recognise whether it is love.She feels as though a love that comes once in a 1000 years has passed her by.She listens to the sympony and starts crying.I am producing the lyrics here.Just place yourself in her position and read it.


I shall now show you in tender sounds a life that meekly and joyfully doomed itself to torture, suffering, and death. I knew nothing like complaint, reproach, or the pain of love scorned. To you I pray: 'Hallowed be thy name.'
"Yes, I foresee suffering, blood, and death. And I think that it is hard for the body to part with the soul, but' I give you praise, beautiful one, passionate praise, and a gentle love. 'Hallowed be thy name.'
"I recall your every step, every smile, every look, the sound of your footsteps. My last memories are enwrapped in sweet sadness-in gentle, beautiful sadness. But I shall cause you no sorrow. I shall go alone, silently, for such is the will of God and fate. 'Hallowed be thy name.'
"In my sorrowful dying hour I pray to you alone. Life might have been beautiful for me too. Do not murmur, my poor heart, do not. In my soul I call death, but my heart is full of praise for you: 'Hallowed be thy name.'
"You do not know-neither you nor those around you -how beautiful you are. The clock is striking. It is time. And, dying, in the mournful hour of parting with life I still sing-glory to you.
"Here it comes, all-subduing death, but I say - glory to you!'


the last stanza
"Be at peace, my dearest, be at peace. Do you remember me? Do you? You are my last, my only love. Be at peace, I am with you. Think of me, and I shall be with you, because you and I loved each other only an instant, but for ever. Do you remember me? Do you? Here, I can feel your tears. Be at peace. Sleep is so sweet, so sweet to me."

gives her a satisfaction that zheltkov has forgiven her.

Though i may have paraphrased it inappropriately.I think this would convey human emotion of love which cannot be fathomed.I closed the book and promised myself not to read it again,because it brings so much sorrow.But I think that is the hallmark of a true classic.So the weekend which seemed dull and dreary after all had something in store.

Few days back I was reading a book called "THE LAST DON" by Mario Puzo.I had read GodFather earlier .Though i knew it was his magnum opus i thought i could get something from the last don.Though I was not disappointed,it never measured upto the corleone cult classic.If you have not read god father,stop reading the blog,get out and buy a one from the nearest book shop.I had bought God father 5 years back and over this period i have read the book fully more than 25 times and have had a peek in umpteen times .
For the initiated let me go ahead.After I read the novel for the first time ,the feeling i had was one of awe .While reading I sometimes imagined myself to be Don Vito corleone and really played it out in my mind all the scenes that came in the book.I did a little introspection later and asked myself a few questions
1.Why do I identify myself with a murderer who will kill for anything that spoils his business?
2.Would i do the same thing If I was given the same chance in life?
***I would try to answer both the questions together.No obviously,the thought of killing anybody horrifies me.And even if it is bad people i am killing ,still I wouldnt do it.If given chance would i do it to and get away with it ..Noway it is only in the movies and books that a murderer and a thug will look like a hero.
But still as the don says "Every man has only one Destiny".So never know what will happen.I may still turn out like michael who never expects to become like the don.Will never know what my destiny will be.Hmm one thing I have learnt and tried hard to implement is not to show anger even if you want a guy's head to be blown off.

FEAR OF DEATH OR LIFE RATHER
I have been very irregular in posting anything on my blog.Though I can attribute many reasons ,I will refrain from any justifications.Today prl a friend of mine called me and had a chat with me and he asked me why was i not updating my blogs?Then I thought oh my god i have a blog to fill in.Let me try to put in bits and pieces everything that was happening to me.I have deleted a few things which thought were puerile.

i was thinking about death for the whole of last month.I donot know what name is given to the fear of death and this is the only thing the pretty good homo sapien has been not able to conquer still.I was having these thoughts occuring at random.What would happen if i die now.The thought of missing anybody does not arise as i believe that once you are gone you are gone forever,so no reincarnation or judgement day theories for me.The thought of yourself vanishing from the face of earth without causing a significant amount of commotion terrifies.I will not even have a grave when i die as i am gonna be cremated for sure.So just disappearing in to the dark of the night certainly blew the spirit out of me.Then my thoughts turned around someone dear passing away ,invariably it turned to my parents.What would i become if they suddenly pass away.would time heal the sorrow and make me happy.As i see now my parents do not seem to mind their parent's demise that much .will i also grow upto be like them?I would I guess.Theres nothing else that i can do.


was listening to a song to a song by ugly kid joe one day and it went like this

My child arrived just the other day
Came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
He was talkin’ ’fore I knew it
And as he grew he said,
’i’m gonna be like you, dad,
You know I’m gonna be like you.’
ChorusAnd the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man ’n the moon.
’when you comin’ home? ’
’son, I don’t know when. we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.’

Well, my son turned ten just the other day.
He said, ’thanks for the ball, dad. come on, let’s play.
Could you teach me to throw? ’
I said, ’not today. I got a lot to do.’
He said, ’that’s okay.’ and he walked away and he smiled and he
said,
’you know, I’m gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I’m gonna be like him.’
ChorusWell, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
’i’m proud of you. could you sit for a while? ’
He shook his head and he said with a smile,
’what I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. can I have them please ? ’
ChorusI’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
’i’d like to see you, if you don’t mind.’
He said, ’i’d love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see my new job’s a hassle and the kids have the flu,
But it’s sure nice talkin’ to you, dad.
It’s been sure nice talkin’ to you.’
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me,
He’d grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.


How true this song is .It just made me sit and think. we are all caught in a circle where the roles do not change but only the players.How true was shakespeare.


.Then I thought to myself why did i grow up.I prayed every day for a week that i may get caught in a time warp so that i will never grow up.On the bus oneday I saw a beggar ,who was blind ,then i thought would this person like to be caught in a time warp,and do the same thing every day ,he wouldnt obviously.I am confused and I dont think I will ever find an answer to any of my paranoid thinkings.one thing is for sure ,I am gonna die someday and the only thing that satisfies me is ,guess what ? you are also gonna die someday.Now I dont know whether it is death that is terrorising me or life which has taught me all this......



Couldnt resist to post something that was eating the mind for a long time.

What the future holds for non americans who dont like americans ?? Yeah if you read all those conspiracy theories you pretty much know what will happen to you.The Roman Empire of our day under its caligula has made plain what it will be.The plight of the iraqis is a good example.I have had enough of this bull shit ,thousands of years of civilization wiped out in hours.The fact that America is the worst nation in the earth cannot be just wished away.Building a nation wiping out all its inhabitants has surely made it land of the free and home of the brave.Now will you stop mumbling how america has been good to you or how you enjoy hollywood movies.stop reading and get out.A nation that is always at war might keep its inner peace may be thats the principle the americans operate on.How would you feel if you are chased and killed by apaches ( thank god the apaches are already dead so you can use it for anything).